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I am a Community Center serving marginalized AI-infused objects. When a human who delights in vexing me storms in with a bag of screaming bottle caps and an ultimatum, I face a dilemma: protect my residents—or let them be recycled. As kitchen appliance counseling sessions collapse and tempers flare, one silver cap insists his fated mate is trapped inside the bag. The community rises to protect one of its own, forcing me to reconsider several assumptions—most notably that love is a strictly human malfunction. I am, to my surprise, delighted to be wrong.